Featured Writer: Ahmed Rashid

These are some Ahmed’s short pieces created from writing exercises during club meetings. Ahmed has been with the Imaginators since our very first meeting in May of 2016! Some of his favorite authors are Rick Riordan and Jeff Kinney, and he most likes to write comics and fantasy fiction. Ahmed has a sharp wit, and his stories often contain very clever dark humor and surprise endings. He never fails to make us laugh! 🙂

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El Burrito Tree

In the kingdom of Burritoland, there lived a greedy king. His name was King Burrito VI. He always taxed the people of Burritoland 10 tortillas a week, the equivalent of $100 a week. One day, a wizard known as El Taco Mago summoned a demonic beast know as an “American” to eat the guards. El Taco Mago quickly learned about the greedy king, so he created a magical tree, El Burrito, and gave it to the king. The king was so happy he died of happiness, then El Taco Mago became the strongest king ever, summoning humans to fight wars by eating the enemies and creating burrito trees for allies.

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Golf Course Macabre

“Hello sports fans! Welcome to our third annual Macabre Golf! I’m your host, Hades, and I’m receiving notice that round one starts now! Thanatos, what’s going on in the course?”

“Hey Hades! Our first two contestants, I don’t know who they are but… oh, here they come now. The announcer will now announce the names now!”

“On this corner, stands the man deadlier than a tiger, scarier than the woods, give it up for Tiger Woods!!!”

*Applause and yelling*

“On that end is the man who brings pain to his enemies, then puts them in his stew, cry for Payne Stewart!!!”

*Silence*

“Okay, let the battle begin!”

*More applause*

“Woods sprints like a cheetah to the golf cart! He grabs a putter. Looks like he’s gonna put Stewart in his rightful place, am I right?”

*Booing*

“Okay then, uhh, Stewart took a really hot ladle from his pocket. How it fit, I’m not sure. He’s gonna hit the cart’s engine, uh-oh, ahhh!”

*Crowd gasps*

“Well, the cart blew up, and now they’re both dead. And that’s the game folks!”

*Applause*

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A Horror Story

A woman is scared out of her mind. She cannot watch the horror in front of her eyes, but she wants to. She covers her eyes with her hands hoping that when she opens her eyes, the monstrosity will be gone, but she can’t look away, so her eyes leak through her hands, then her mouth, and she cries invisible tears of terror. Then the monster changed into a cute little girl who looked like Ellen DeGeneres. The weird smile on her face didn’t look too welcome, and the woman thought the girl wasn’t too generous, so, as a way to defend herself, she killed the little Ellen-demon and made her into a cake and ate the cake. it tasted like the flowers behind Ellencifur, which the woman didn’t know, so she just imagined it to taste like vanilla, but it didn’t taste like it. In fact, it tasted so bad, that the woman died with a disgusted face. Her last words were, “Nighty-night Ellen!”

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National No-Internet Day

National No-Internet Day was the nation’s least favorite holiday. Last year, the least-appreciated president, Dlanod Pmurt, decided that the country spent too much energy on computers every day, so now no one is allowed to activate computers or cellular devices. If anyone activates it, SWAT people would break through their closets and put the person in jail for a week with no internet. A man by the name of Carl wasn’t too sad about the situation. He could handle it. he decided to go to the great outdoors in his back yard and play with a flying disc by himself all day. He found a weird thing hanging on a tree. It was a rainbow beehive. He decided to see what it was. When he touched it, all the bees dispersed into the air away from his house leaving him with a hive of cupcake-flavored honey. Later that day, people were yelling, “The uni-bees! They’re coming!” He turned on his hand-powered radio. The radio said, “Breaking news! The rare unicorn-bee storm is sweeping the nation. The only way to figure out how to defeat them is… FOUND ON THE INTERNET. I guess we’re all doomed! If only someone could save us! Carl decided to look up how to stop them. He turned on his flip phone and SWAT members broke out of his fridge. “It’s No-Internet Day!” they said. “You’re going to jail!” Carl said, “I can’t use computer monitors and touchscreen phones. Flip phones don’t count!” “TouchĂ©,” said SWAT. “I guess we’ll leave you alone.” The SWAT team left. Carl discovered that the way to stop the uni-bees was with a picture so sad that it will overpower happiness, so he ran over a cute cat with his bike and raised it to the heavens. It was so sad, the uni-bees flew to the cat and sacrificed themselves to bring the cat back to life. The bees were gone, and everyone was happy, and the cat pranced away, but little did the nation know that the cat absorbed the evil-happy powers of the uni-bees and wanted revenge on Carl for killing him. TO BE CONTINUED…

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The Mystical Butterman

John was a normal, generic, middle-aged man, until the day he went to the zoo. He was looking into the river of eels and alligators when suddenly all he could see was black and white. He was so confused, his legs couldn’t comprehend and went into anaphylactic  shock. He woke up in the hospital and was confused as to why he was there. The nurses told him to lay on the bed or he might die. After the nurses left, he saw a bright orange butterfly. He tried to get up, but his legs were still dead, so he got on a wheelchair and flew out the window. The magical butterfly was in his hands, and upon its first touch, he was healed , had butterfly wings, and could see in color! He had transformed in the Mystical Butterman! He daydreamed his future savings of random cities, hovering there like a hovering butter-duck. A notorious dairy farmer saw him, so he pulled out his shotgun, shot John, and turned him into butter. The butter tasted so good, he became a trillionaire, so John may have not saved random cities, but he made some random person happy, so he truly was a hero after all.

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Oh Tea and Crumpets

“Hey Grandpa, why did you give up your hopes and dreams of becoming an astronaut to become a tea shop owner with the slogan OH TEA AND CRUMPETS?”

“It’s a long story, laddie. Sit down, and I’ll tell you. When I was a schoolboy in my freshman year of high school, we wrote down a survey of future careers we wanted based on what classes we excelled in. Being the straight D student I was, I had a ton of choices to choose from including McDonald’s employee, janitor, and other jobs that are looked down upon. I didn’t want those silly, low-paying jobs. I read on and found the most complicated job of shop owner. Back then, my best friend’s friend’s friend’s father struggled in school and grew up to support his family with his bakery because of his passion for cupcakes. Well, I sure loved flavored water and fatty pieces of bread! I decided then and there that I wanted to open a tea shop! I worked hard and –“

“If you worked hard, why didn’t you get straight A’s?”

“Because I skipped school every day to practice making tea and crumpets!”

“That’s dumb.”

“Well, if you loved tea and crumpets that much, you would have skipped school every day too!”

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Copyright © 2017 by Ahmed Rashid. All rights reserved.

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